You guys. I did a thing.
I said no.
I’m still in shock. I’m not entirely sure I’ve ever said no to anything in my entire life. Years of being told to say yes to every opportunity presented my way turned it into a solidified habit. And it was a habit that I used to define myself. Taking opportunities brought me a sense of happiness, especially those opportunities that presented them self in an unsolicited manner.
But taking all those opportunities also brought some serious emotional exhaustion. I have been a perpetual roller coaster, the thrill of having a new project and focus, the confusion about what to do, the sense of purpose, then overwhelming hopelessness, excitement and belonging, typically culminating in crying in a bottomless pit of despair when I’d taken on way too much – only to finish and forget all about that when the next yes escaped from me. This compulsion to agree has managed to cloud what I really believe in and what I’m passionate about – I let my interests and passions be dictated by whatever opportunity turned up on my door.
And then suddenly, I was asked to take on the kind of project that only a year ago I would have leapt on – an opportunity to run a huge event, to be part of something, to be completely consumed with a group of people by a singular focus. And immediately I just knew the answer was no.
I was so confused by this response that I obviously had to discuss it at length with the boyf – who was patient for a while, but was definitely over the subject before I was (I do have an amazing capacity to talk about me for an extended period of time). But the saying ‘if it’s not a hell yeah it’s a no’ was at the forefront of my mind. And it took me 24 hours to come to terms with it. But I did it. I said no.
It’s an exhilarating and I feel so free. I’ve slowly been refining my interests and passions, and this no was another step in the right direction in coming up with a core definition of what I believe in.
End preach. But I’d love to hear if you’ve experienced a similar sense of defining your purpose through saying no in the comments.